“Thank you for your courage”

Hey friends! I wrote a post a few months back entitled It’s Okay To Ask For Help. In the post, I explained that I had made the decision to seek counselling through Glendon’s counselling services as I was having a hard time dealing with the death of my Nan whilst keeping on top of my school work.

I had my last session on Wednesday although I didn’t know it at the time that it would be. However, when I sat down in the chair, I explained to my counsellor that I felt that I had gotten the most of the experience and that I didn’t feel as though I would need another appointment.

This is a really great thing for me. It says that I’ve made it through the first year after my Nan’s death and that for the first time in a long time, the gloomy cloud that I had felt around me has lifted.

Going to counselling was a really hard thing for me to do. I’ve always been a very ‘self-sufficient’ person in that I like to do things on my own and I hardly ever want to ask anyone for help with anything. However, the things that I went through are things that most people at my age have not experienced.

Losing a family member changes your life. There will always be a part of you missing when they are missing from your life. From the age of 16 to now as a 21 year old, I had experienced losing three close family members and several family friends in a 6 year period.

What I took out of counselling the most was understanding what grief is and not what it is expected to be or look like. I always questioned whether other people looked to how I was acting to gauge how affected I was by the death of my Nan and in consequence, worried that I wasn’t showing the “usual” signs of grief.

However, counselling taught me that grief looks more like waves in that moments of grief come and go. When I recognized that this was exactly how I was experiencing grief, I felt relieved that I was, in fact, experiencing it in a way that others do – because the way it is portrayed on TV and in movies is usually incorrect.

More than that, counselling taught me that I am who I am today because of the person my Nan was and what she meant to me – I am most definitely her granddaughter. I’m very much like her in the way that I am tenacious, strong-willed, independent and also, in the way that I am confident in the person I am. She was a Queen in her own right and I can only hope that one day, I am respected and thought of by others as she was.

Seeking help was one of the scariest things I have ever done. It was me saying that I wasn’t having the easiest time with everything going on in my life and that I was willing to open up to somebody about the hardest times in my life. I’ll never forget that my counsellor ended our session with thanking me for my courage. It reflected how she felt that my actions were brave and that I should probably see it that way as well.

In other news, I was accepted into the post-graduate Public Administration program that I applied to – happy times! 2015 already feels like it’ll be a better year and it’s only February. Remember, you can always tweet me @beckielhgl or comment on this post with questions and comments.

Until next week!

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